The Pelican Brief

See what I did there? Well, it was Breakfast in Picasso, Lunch at The Pelican Conservatory and Supper in the Grantham Hilton. It sounds like a day at the Cannes Film Festival, doesn’t it? Allow me to explain. As you (not you if you are a chance visitor looking for donkey porn and don’t know anything about SimonG) will know, the belated SimonG Christmas Meet was held yesterday at The Pelican in Addlestone, Surrey (about a couple of hundred yards from the Charlotte Rose’s mooring – shame on you if you didn’t go and marvel at her). It was great, of course! What else could it have been? I was so determined not to be late and, as I had got up just a leetle bit later than planned, I rushed over to Tesco Express and bought a couple of Sepcial K cereal bars to eat for breakfast in the car on the way; I’ve got a Citroen Xsara Picasso – with me so far? I arrived at the Crouch Oak (the pub where I, Merman, Mermaid and Maris Piper were staying on Saturday night) at about 10.35am and, whilst on the phone to Maris to ascertain her whereabouts, was verbally accosted from the driver’s window of a magnificent motorhome which turned out to be inhabited by Merfolk (it’s got Hilton painted on each wing) and is lovingly (if somewhat grandiosely) referred to as the Grantham Hilton – it turned out to be a fine temporary retreat later in the day. And it also turned out that my room had been occupied on the previous night by Sparkle Princess and Marshmallow! The cleaner hadn’t finished with the room but she let me go in and change before we set off for the meet. The empty Pot Noodle tub was still on the bathroom floor! Oh, and Marshy, I’ll post on to you the (ahem) item that I found under the bed – it didn’t fit on my head either! We were allocated the Pelican’s conservatory which overlooked the Wey Navigation, of which you (again not the other you) will be aware, Cap’n Henry Not The Thirst is the master. Amanda had apparently allocated the conservatory to our party without telling me, and others were aware of this despite my several (ahem) liaisons with her prior to the event. Oh well, I got over it after a few pints of Southern Glory! Anyway, it seems that everyone had a good time meeting folk for the first time (although it almost didn’t seem like the first time) and seeing old friends again. I achieved both! We (that is, me, Maris, Merman, Mermaid and gsyhiap) set off from The Pelican at about 10pm and walked back towards the Crouch Oak with a view to getting some fish and chips from the purveyor of same opposite the Crouch Oak. Well, he was closed but, fortunately (although not, as it turned out, for Maris - see her blog), the kebab house and Chinese takeaway were still peddling their wares to the masses (actually quite conspicuous by their absence, although, of course the pubs hadn’t yet chucked out) so, having acquired our respective dishes of nosh, we all trooped over to assemble in the Grantham Hilton and scoff it. Thanks , Chris and Rosie! A perfect end to a perfect day and you can see some piccies here.

Casey's Tool Works

Or so the saucy postcard said. I wonder if it really does. I love English, y’know, and I feel really sorry for anyone from forren who’s trying to learn it. There are such subtle nuances in the pronunciation and spelling and so many things you can do to manipulate it.

I mean, you can pepper food with salt, ponder whether Jonah did in fact have a whale of a time, consider that a good way of making the Vatican smell nice might be to spread a good bit of pot-pourri – go on, say it out loud quick! There are many questions which you may think don’t need answering, but, as I’ve finished a batch of work and have a few spare minutes – and I haven’t blogged for absolutely ages – here are just a few:- 1. If the Prince of Wales had his name put on an item of laydees’ underwear, would you have an Heir On A G-string’? Pardon? No, ‘Basque In The Sun’ does NOT work 2. Are Girls Allowed to sing? 3. If nobody knows about it, would you be able to hear a Secret Policeman's Bawl? 4. Should I feel privileged to have been able to listen as a child to Billy Cotton’s Banned Show? 5. Should a large baby be given a Wide Birth? 6. Should young swans become members of a Cygnet Ring? 7. Would a hymn dedicated to Wyatt Earp’s famous battle be called ‘Gunfight At The OK Chorale’? 8. Could pigeons topple a government by means of a Coo d’Etat? 9. Is ‘Boyfriend in a quiver’ a reasonable clue to ‘Beau And Arrow’? 10. Should Gorilla Warfare even appear on this list?

Right, in closing, remember, if you support Liverpool and smell, you know what they’ll chant at you? ‘You Never Wore Cologne’. Buy for now!