Remember
the game I invented, ooh, a couple of hundred years ago? You know, the Much More Elaborate, Purposeful And Fulfilling Number Plate Spotting Than That Other Not Clever Or Anything Rubbish Version (i.e.
Spotting Car Number Plates By Starting At One). Well, here's one you can
play without moving off your settee, as long as you have Sky TV and access to
its electronical programme guide.
I
spotted the fun potential quite a long time ago but, although almost my entire family
are very familiar with (and unsurprisingly quite exasperated by) the concept, I
think there are exciting possibilities, as you will soon see.
I'll
give you some examples and you will imagine the hilarity that ensues when a
group of people visualise what's missing from the title of the programme and
call out their suggestions – it's a bit like the missing words round on Have I Got News For You. When you bring
up the Programme Guide on the TV screen, sometimes the names of the programmes
are too long to appear in full and only the first part is displayed followed by
a few dots. All you have to do is surmise the name of the programme armed with
just a segment of it. Over the course of the last few weeks, I've been scanning
the listings for suitable candidates for treatment.
Christmas Day with Ale… A perfectly reasonable idea, you
might think, and there's really no need to suggest that there may be anything
missing from such an admirable statement until you realise with horror when
selecting the programme that it's Christmas Day with Aled Jones. *shudder*
The Librarian – The C… This surely had the makings of a
particularly boring documentary about the
…Chap who collects and issues your
library books; an admirable calling, of course, but hardly a topic for peak
time seasonal viewing. To my relief, it was another of those Indiana Jones type
thrillers: The Librarian – The Curse of
the Judas Chalice. It’s got Noah Wyle off ER and everything.
The Sheriffs are C… I would dearly love to elaborate
upon the possibilities here but children are watching; they always used to be Cowboys, of course. Damn! They're Coming, apparently.
Sun, Sex and Suspicious Pa… Given the content of this show, it really
ought to be Pant-stains but,
somewhat disappointingly and, I suppose, inevitably, it's Parents.
Nursing th… I did think this might have been another
one of those cringeworthy documentaries about young Brits in Ibiza acting like
idiots, casting off their inhibitions and, frequently, their underwear, being
very unkind to their livers and very kind to the bank balances of the owners of
bars and clubs, nursing th…e Mother of
all Hangovers practically every day. Instead of which, it’s a much more
delightful televisual offering looking at the work of district nurses, called Nursing
the Nation. Hurrah, for a change!
The Treasures of Ancient R… Apparently there are no treasures of
any appreciable interest from ancient Reading, Rotherham, or even Ragged
Appleshaw, Hampshire (N51.23 W01.55, SU3148). Of course, you knew it was R…ome, didn’t you?
Get
the idea? Now, the rules are simple. As you’re likely to be the sole
participant (I usually am), you’ll earn points for all your suggestions, unless
some disgruntled member of your family turns off the television and goes to
bed. You won’t even be able to carry on playing by yourself as they will have
taken the remote control with them. And, just to make sure, they’ll switch off
the electricity supply*. Some folk are real spoilsports.
*I’m not sure how
they do it but they turn 3G off as well.
