Casey's Tool Works

Or so the saucy postcard said. I wonder if it really does. I love English, y’know, and I feel really sorry for anyone from forren who’s trying to learn it. There are such subtle nuances in the pronunciation and spelling and so many things you can do to manipulate it.

I mean, you can pepper food with salt, ponder whether Jonah did in fact have a whale of a time, consider that a good way of making the Vatican smell nice might be to spread a good bit of pot-pourri – go on, say it out loud quick! There are many questions which you may think don’t need answering, but, as I’ve finished a batch of work and have a few spare minutes – and I haven’t blogged for absolutely ages – here are just a few:- 1. If the Prince of Wales had his name put on an item of laydees’ underwear, would you have an Heir On A G-string’? Pardon? No, ‘Basque In The Sun’ does NOT work 2. Are Girls Allowed to sing? 3. If nobody knows about it, would you be able to hear a Secret Policeman's Bawl? 4. Should I feel privileged to have been able to listen as a child to Billy Cotton’s Banned Show? 5. Should a large baby be given a Wide Birth? 6. Should young swans become members of a Cygnet Ring? 7. Would a hymn dedicated to Wyatt Earp’s famous battle be called ‘Gunfight At The OK Chorale’? 8. Could pigeons topple a government by means of a Coo d’Etat? 9. Is ‘Boyfriend in a quiver’ a reasonable clue to ‘Beau And Arrow’? 10. Should Gorilla Warfare even appear on this list?

Right, in closing, remember, if you support Liverpool and smell, you know what they’ll chant at you? ‘You Never Wore Cologne’. Buy for now!