Growing up

Everyone’s very communicative about their horticultural activities and, determined not to be left out, I thought I’d debrief you all on ours – when I say ours, I really mean Sheila’s, as I am no longer able to take part in anything which departs from an upright or seated position.

Take a look at the picture and I’ll guide you as best I can through the elements from left to right in a 360 degree fashion - not bad, these 10 - 22mm wide angle zooms, are they? Mine ruddy well shouldn’t be, it cost me enough; it makes the garden look bigger, though, doesn’t it?

Starting from the bed slightly north-east of the black bucket, here there be onions (mostly now harvested), leeks and a few spring onions. To the right the bunches of pink flowers are wild geraniums. Heading vaguely frontwards and inwards, round the outside interspersed with blue ageratum and more geraniums are some kind of salvia – they’re the big red buggers. In pots near the bird bath (which, annoyingly, the dog keeps drinking from, leaving masses of disgusting gob floating in it) are pelargoniums and lilies (dead).

Moving round – in the greenhouse are cucumbers, tomatoes and peppers; and heading back towards the louvre door (you haven’t seen that), there is clematis, sweet peas and fuschia, in the trough on the wall are petunias, fuschias and some white flowers which I don’t know the name of. Behind the louvre door is the ubiquitous rhubarb (yum). Things to be careful of

- The giant triffid in the greenhouse which I am expecting to walk out any day now - One of those curly hosepipes that helpfully rebounds back to the tap if you don’t keep a firm grip on it, and which gets caught on anything and everything along its length, e.g. pots, bins, buckets etc., usually knocking them over Things not to be noticed - Louvre door (tip bound - not even Freecyclers interested) - Shelf (same) - Car dog guard (used at certain times of the day at the back door to stop the dog crapping on the onions) - Weeds between flags - Ringwood Brewery parasol (ahem) So there you are.