Sky Blues

Well, Sky have done it now, too! They have call centres on the Asian sub-continent. And I couldn’t understand what they were saying when they were in Scotland!

Regular readers will know about my relapse into Sky Movies for a three-month period at a reduced subscription. Well, there were one or two paper view (see that?) films that we fancied watching. Obviously, I had forgotten my PIN as it hadn’t been used for about three years (and I hadn’t made a note of it), so I gulped, sat down comfortably and telephoned Sky Customer Services. During the first call, the nice lady recording said I could resolve common queries (actually giving the example of a forgotten PIN) on their website. Aha! Well, you bloody well try it! So I rang them again and sat listening to endless menu options, none of which concerned forgotten PINs, so I just pressed a random number each time and was eventually connected to a human. He listened patiently while I explained my (I thought) very simple enquiry and then told me he would have to put me through to a colleague in another province of India department. Naturally, I had to repeat what I had already told the first person.
Me: “I want to order a Box Office movie and I have forgotten my PIN.”
Sky person: “You want to order a Box Office movie?”
Me: “Yes, as it happens I do, but the point of this call is to set up a new PIN, because I have forgotten the one I have.”
Sky person: “Do you want to order a movie now?”
Me: “RIGHT. JUST TO EXPLAIN ONCE AND FOR ALL, THE REASON I HAVE TELEPHONED YOU IS TO RESET MY PIN BECAUSE I HAVE BLOODY WELL FORGOTTEN IT. I AM HEARTILY SICK OF PRESSING BLOODY BUTTONS TO RESOLVE BLOODY QUERIES WHICH DO NOT APPEAR TO HAVE BUTTONS AND I WAS HOPING TO SPEAK TO A LIVING PERSON WHO I THOUGHT WOULD BE ABLE TO DEAL WITH A BLOODY SIMPLE QUERY. ARE YOU THAT PERSON?”
Sky person: “Do you want to change your PIN?”
Me: “ Hurrah, huzzah and send my pants to an extra-strength laundry!”
Sky person: “Sorry?”
Me: “Never mind! I apologise for shouting at you and I realise that the pathetic standard of training you have been given and, in the circumstances, the much-reduced cost of customer support to Sky that vastly increases their profits is not your fault.”
Sky person (oblivious to irony): “What PIN would you like?”
Me: (Thinks: my bank debit card number would be good) “XXXX”
Sky person: “Does that match any of your bank details?”
Me: “Errm…yes, actually.” (Idiot! What have you just done?)
Sky person: “I can’t give you that PIN. Can you give me another number?”
Me: “XXXX”
Sky person: “Does that number match any of your bank details?”
Me: (lying through teeth) “No.”
Sky person: “OK. I have changed your PIN.”
Me: “How do you really know that’s not my John Lewis partnership card PIN?”
Sky person: “Pardon?” (Those last two remarks didn’t happen)
Me: “Thank you.”

So we watched “United 93” and, despite the fact that you knew what was going to happen, I thought it was very good.