Sorry, Richmal!

“I’ve gotter chatroom!” said Willsimoniam, triumphantly, “It’s the best one on the world wide web. An’, ….” he muttered darkly, “if anybody says it’s not, I’ll…I’ll…well, they jus’ jolly well better not, that’s all!” His warlike glare defied any of the other three Outlaws to cast aspersions on Willsimoniam’s proudest possession. Domallyuglas, Gingeretta and Henry wilted beneath his stern gaze. “The world-wide web? Wot’s that?” asked Henry, “Is it made by a ‘normous spider?” “Ooh! Is it a massive network of internashunal spies?” asked Gingeretta excitedly. “Is it a huge bit of cloth wot you could wrap the whole Earth up in?” queried Domallyuglas. “It‘s none of those things,” said Willsimoniam, scornfully, “the world-w…..” “Wot’s a chatroom, then?” Henry interrupted, “Is it in the hotel wot you’re livin’ in?” “No,” said Willsimoniam. “Is it at your mother’s house?” asked Gingeretta. “No!” said Willsimoniam, “it’s…” “Is it a speshul meeting place?” asked Domallyuglas, “I know, it’s in the village hall, isn’t it?” “NO!” bellowed Willsimoniam, “It’s not a real room, like you fin' in a house, it’s…” “Huh!” snorted Henry, not waiting for Willsimoniam to finish, “it can’t be much of a room, then, if it’s not a real room an’ it’s not anywhere!” “This must be a chatroom, then,” said Gingeretta, indicating the old barn with a sweeping gesture, “we come in here an’ chat all the time!” “Look! I jus’ said it’s not an akshul room,” said Willsimoniam, “people with a computer can…” “A what?” said Domallyuglas. “A computer,” explained Willsimoniam, “it’s a machine wot can have a chatroom in it an’….” Gingeretta chipped in. “Why don’t you show us, then?” By this time, however, the other two Outlaws were getting bored with the proceedings. “Oh, I don’t want to see some old room that’s not a room ‘cos it’s in a machine or somethin’,” said Domallyuglas, “come on, Henry. Let’s go and chase Miss Dalrymple’s cat!” “Good idea!” said Henry, “I din’t want to see his silly ole chatroom either. Whatever it is, it’s bound to be rubbish!”