Anagrams of “The Ten Commandments”

I have invented a new literary phenomenon – it is called the Anagramecdote – yes, I have! – I can prove it (see page 5). It involves concocting an entirely implausible and totally disingenuous story about someone (or something) and peppering it with anagrams of the subject’s name in capital letters, sorry, upper case! Well, in this case (upper or lower, it matters not), the story is not actually about THE TEN COMMANDMENTS, but contains anagrams of those three words. A variation on a highly original theme, I’m sure you will agree. OK, please yourselves. It is a happy coincidence that the concept has manifested itself as a lazyblog assignment – who would have credited it? Not me. Well, then. Our tale concerns Emmett Hammond, a quiet unassuming Londoner from Camden – haha, you can see where all this is going, can’t you? No? Nor can I! Camden, you ask? Well, I (that letter not included) SHAN’T CONDEMN EMMETT for that, you have to come from somewhere, I have better things to do with my time THAN CONDEMN EMMETT’S roots. Emmett was not afraid of hard work and had always wanted to run his own company. Unfortunately, his business ideas lacked a certain practicality – HAMMOND CEMENT TENTS Ltd was a prime example, although for a very short time it was a cause celèbre, even attracting the composition of a classical anthem extolling the virtues of “concrete canvas”: a notable Telegraph headline at the time was: “ANTHEM COMMENDS TENT”. Unfortunately, ANTHEM COMMENTS TEND to be short-lived and the company quickly became the Bankruptcy Court in CAMDEN’S TENTH MOMENT of company cessation that particular day. All of this despite the extensive advertising campaign NAMED: “C’MON THEM TENTS!” (I think this is an example of “a hard sell campaign”).

Emmett left the court ruing his foray into the camping with mortar market, muttering “DAMN CEMENT – THEM TONS of useless grey powder! What possible use are you?! Wait a minute! I could make boots for people who wanted to lean forward at a 45-degree angle!” Then he thought, “Hang on, HADN’T CEMENT, MOMENTS before, epitomised my ineptitude in the concrete industry, indeed, industry generally? Forget it!”

Actually, although his business acumen proved wanting in many respects, he had salted away a little cash – just about enough to buy a bicycle made for two – right, let’s have your TANDEM COMMENTS, THEN; he and his girl-friend (oh, haven’t I mentioned her yet?) were planning to buy a flat and they would enjoy cycling around to view various suitable properties. TENANTS COMMEND THEM, apparently – tandems, that is, not flats.

Well, there it is – get the idea? Don’t pinch it, or, if you do, please send me the results of your anagramecdoting.

This blog post fulfils the assignment Anagrams of "the Ten Commandments" at lazyblog.org. You can rate it here.