Lost in translation - microphones and seaweed

Right, that’s it! I’m up to here with sadness, nostalgia and magdalen (isn’t that how you should spell maudlin?) reflections. I’m going to write something to try and reverse the emotional stance that this blog seems to be adopting.

We own a pub in the New Forest and I run the fortnightly general knowledge quizzes. For some time, I have been getting increasingly fed up with tripping over the microphone lead, so I bought a wireless microphone system. It was cheap but it works. I reproduce below an extract from the operating instructions; I can assure you, there are no typos of mine! Here goes……

”Thanks for purchasing this series of system. This system is reunoined by a Receiver and a handle microphone . Inoder to understanding the operating specification, please read the operating method carefully before use.

1, Operating Method
1) Adjust the amplifier system or Karaoke system availible to the minimun position . Connect with the signal output lines and insert A and B antennas , but pay attention to insert the correct position of the jacks , A to A and B to B according the following chart.And then connect with AC power , the red indicator goes on this time , In this case the receiver works normally.

2) Hole the microphone tightly with your left hand and unscrew the body counterclock wise according to the following chart shown , install a battery in to fit the right terminals , then turn it firmly . Set the switch to the ON position , the indicator doesn' t go on, If the battery is low voltage , it dose , But the indicator on the receiver should shines in this period . If the green indicator shines , the proper indicator A on the receiver shines too . If the red one shines too , so does indicator B on the receiver , It shows that the system has been adjusted , it will be used . Adjust the volume you like when you speak to the speaskers to avoid a sharp voice conducted by them.

Note:
Don' t put a CD system or laser system together with the main unit to avoid them disturbing each other.

If you want the radio sender in a good position,don 't tuch the net head of the microphone when you are singing"

Don 't worry, I won 't!

Now, at the risk of boring you, the following very clear instructions appear on a packet of fried seaweed manufactured in the Philippines which I bought recently (the seaweed, that is, not the Philippines):

Using Seaweed cook Soup (Example Scrambled Eggs Soup, Brawn Sausage & Fish Ball Soup) Do fish have balls? I didn't even realise they had fingers until Bird's Eye started selling them.

Fried or Cook Noodles, Water Flour and Macaroni with Seaweed be much delicious.

I bet it be!